Thanksgiving Feast

We had a wonderful Thanksgiving Feast!

I hosted and I made a Turkey and 2 Turkey breasts. Green beans, corn, rolls, sour cream & chive mash potatoes, gravy, cranberry sauce, sweet potatoes, cranberry stuffing, apple cranberry crunch pies, and a triple layer pumpkin pie. I also had cheese & crackers, snack sausages, chocolate raisins & peanuts, chocolate covered pretzels, veggie tray, olives & pickles, a bunch of cookies, apples & pumpkin dip, and peanuts & cashews.

We had 7 adults and 12 kids. We ate very well.

I am still assessing my Thanksgiving. Part of me really missed gorging on all of the good food, but with what I did eat today, I don't feel deprived at all!

I had my protein shake in the morning to get my tummy going. But I think a little m/s crept in so I felt a little yucky for a while. Although it could have been because I got up too early in my book to cook.

I drank my water for most of the day and snacked on some cheese and a cracker or two with a sausage and I had my favorite sugar cookie too.

Later while cooking I tasted some mashed potatoes a couple times because they were SOOOO GOOOD!

Dinner time I had one turkey slice, a spoonful of corn, a spoonful of green beans, a bit of sweet potatoes, a good sized portion of mashed potatoes, some stuffing and my awesome cranberry sauce. I ate everything I wanted to. I didn't want a roll because I knew it would stuff me and I wanted better stuff. Plus the night before I had 2 rolls at different times but the later roll made me puke so I wasn't as interested today.

I even induglged a bit and drank some cranberry soda. Well I sipped at it and it was watered down by the melting ice.

I ate slowly and while it felt weird to be watched and be asked questions (first post-WLS Thanksgiving so it's just as new to everyone else, my new eating habits) but thankfully my grandmother is a super slow eater. Even with as slow as I eat I still beat her, LOL Everyone else had seconds and had even moved on to pies before I was done.

Quite a bit later my tummy was digested enough I decided to have some of my triple layer pumpkin pie. It's not as heavy as the regular pupkin custard type pies. It's from Jell-O. They carry a Pumpkin Spice pudding mix and it came with this pie recipe that I wanted to try. It was so delicious and easy and I loved that it tasted like pumpkin pie and wasn't as heavy as pumpkin pie.

2 hours later I was hungry so I had some mashed potatoes and another slice of turkey. Now I am sitting here eating my one slice of apple cranberry crunch pie with a little bit of vanilla bean ice cream and cool whip. Of course I've been sharing it with some kids who come in from time to time, LOL

So part of me is very satisfied with having been able to eat everything I wanted to and I am satisfied with not feeling deprived. But there is still a small part of me that wishes I could have had my normal stomach so I could have "over eated" just for this ONE day.

Oh well. I wouldn't trade my weight loss surgery for anything!

I also got a bonus when my sister brought me some of her "big" clothes and I fit into most of them. All of the shirts I fit into and I even fit well into one of the 16's she brought me. The other one's I probably won't get to wear for a LONG time now. I asked her for some "special" clothes which she has and hopefully I'll be able to fit into them well enough to not have to get any for later.

I hate being broke!

{{{SIGH}}}

We went out today to JoAnns and there is a Target there and Dh wanted to go and I wanted to go to try on clothes. That's my new thing, actually going and trying on clothes.

This time I spotted a "little" black dress and while it wasn't my "ideal" type of dress I thought "WTH?! Why not!" and OMGosh I LOVED it! I looked fabulous in it too!

I really loved it for the fact that it had a built in slim wear / shape wear. It really helped control all of my excess skin and I was surprised I looked so freakin' good in it. I still needed my control top shape wear for my "apron" but I still looked damn HOT in it!

I seriously do not usually go for skin tight clothes and I was seriously amazed by how comfortable and good I looked in this dress!

Only problem was the $30 price tag. {{{SIGH}}} We just can not afford that right now. Christmas and Thanksgiving comes first right now.

Not being able to get that dress depressed me, surprisingly. I didn't think I'd feel so depressed about not getting an article of clothing like I did today.

I only wish I had a camera so I could have taken a picture of myself in the dress. Maybe I can convince Dh to do this tomorrow, LOL

Any ways. I just had to blog about this. That is all!

Seems Like it's Been Forever

and yet it's only been a couple days.

I swear the scale hates me some days.

Like last night for instance. Towards the end of the night I weighed in at 211 even again. Great, surely by the AM I will be below 211, right?!

But right before bed I weighed myself again and the scale read 211.8 ARGH!! The AM scale reading was 211.4. {{sigh}} Granted it's only been a few short days but I feel like I am in a stall, even though I probably am not in one. I's just really love to se 210 point anything at this point. Maybe it's a numberalogical thing for me, but 210.8 just seems so much closer to 199.8 to me. And with Thanksgiving just 2 weeks away, and I wanting to get as close to 199.8 as possible before T-day, every little loss counts, right. HELL, every DAY counts too!

I KNOW constant weighing will be more stressful and inaccurate, but sometimes I just can't help it. I am a chronic scale whore. Several times a day I will weigh myself. I don't usually get stressed about it though, but when the scale fights back, like it did yesterday, it's frustrating. 211 at midnight and then 211.8 at 1:30am and not having ate anything but water, I seriously thought that by the AM I'd lose the water weight and be 210.8 in the AM at the least. Damn scale, fucking with my mind like this is not nice!

This week's goal is to get to . . . 210 if not 209, but at least 210 (even). I was hoping for a weight of 204-206 by Thanksgiving, if I can't have my 199.8, but I'll take what I can get at this point.

There are 51 days until New year's Day, and if I struggle this holiday season and don't lose the 12 pounds I need to by New Year's Day, then i will be really disappointed in myself. I can certainly do 12 pounds in 51 days, right?!

It took six months, but FINALLY!

OMG this simple little piece of mail really made my day!

I normally never like bills but this one seriously made my day!

There were some complications that arose from my insurance, with the lapse and the COBRA payments and the policy changes, etc etc etc, but the surgery was still scheduled and if they were going to let me have the surgery based on the insurance SAYING I was covered then I wasn't going to stop them. I needed my VSG!

Still I was fairly confident that my surgery would be covered without problems. Until after my surgery and I started reading about how BCBS doesn't guarantee payments/coverage for the VSG, so I started to get nervous. Even more so when about a month passed and I got the surgery bill of over $52,000, and a letter saying I was denied coverage. I was depressed thinking about the amount of debt this would cause our family, and it made me a little more determined to make sure I worked my new sleeve since I wasn't sure if I would really have to pay all of it or not, yet.

Still I ignored the first bill and just focused on what I could change and decided that it just hadn't gone through all of the doors it needed to, to be covered. Still I had those nagging doubts that they'd find one reason or another to deny me coverage, like me not having a "real" 6mo diet history, or that my PCP merely checked my throat to diagnose "sleep apnea". So I let it go and forgot about it, but I still knew it was there in the back of my mind.

So today when I got a bill stating that my insurance company finally paid for the surgery, I was . . .was. . . it's indescribable! Ecstatic, delighted, over-joyed, elated! I was just as excited about that bill as I was about getting my surgery! I was jumping for joy and squealing with delight! I am only being billed for $250 for the surgery! I can't pay it all right this moment but I can swallow $250 for this miracle surgery than I can swallow nearly $53,000!!!

To say the happy dance wouldn't cover how happy I am is an understatement!

115 down 61 to go!

I have lost 115 lbs! I have 61 more lbs to go to reach my goal weight of 150lbs!

I hate that I have that extra 1 pound to lose too, LOL. Why couldn't my highest weight have been a "rounder" number like 325 instead of 326, LOL. It would have made counting down a little easier. LOL Of course then I'd need to lose 1 more pound to have lost 115 lbs. Okay so maybe this isn't too bad after all. ;)

I just can't believe how clost I am to my goal weight now. I can't even believe I am only 12 lbs away (well technically 11.2 lbs) from being below 200lbs! I abolutely can NOT remember the last time I was below 200 lbs. I believe it MIGHT have been freshman year in high school if not middle school.

I am now in sizes 16/18. Some 16's fit me well, while other's are too tight. It all depends on the makers as sizes aren't regulated. That's annoying because one 16 could be just as big as an 18. My 2 pairs of 18's I have are starting to get a little big though.

I have been able to buy a Liz Claiborn shirt in a MEDIUM! It fits perfectly too. I'm also in the size range where I can float between normal sizes and plus sizes. I can actually shop at some regular stores/departments (at least for shirts) for the first time. This past weekend I was going between the 2 departments in Target trying on shirts, sweaters and coats. It's really opened up a lot more options to me. I have discovered that I love shopping for clothes now. :)

If You Noticed

If you notice my ticker, then you'll notice that I indeed get down to 213.8 this morning. :D

I am pleased! Only 14.8lbs to go to get below 200!

Back on Track

This morning I was pleasantly greeted with a scale number of 214.2lbs. The day before I was shocked with a scale reading on 214.6. Shocked only because the day before I didn't do very well. I did have some mini candy bars and a mini bag of chips and some runts. Some cravings got the better of me. I don't even know where they came from but my suspicions are that AF must be near. She seems out of whack though so I don't know when she'll show back up. Remember last month she was a week late!

Any ways, the day before I was pleasantly greeted with that scale reading of 214.6 where as the day before that it was reading 215.8, and again I caved in and ate some junk food again. So on Tuesday when the scale fairies blessed me with a weight loss of 1.2lbs I figured I shouldn't try sabotaging my gift loss with more cravings.

This evening before I head off to bed, I am still pleasantly happy with the scale reading of 214.6. I am only hoping that during the night I drop .8 lbs so I can finally be below 214! I'd love to see a 213.8. I'd really LOVE it!

I did really well today too. Great protein intake and complex carbs with my broccoli (yummy). Water, water, water!

Friday is shopping day and I can not wait because I need more Atkins Shakes, but we just can not afford more right now, and I only have one left. I might be able to get DH to agree to one more package of it, but I don't know yet.

Stress is creeping in though with all of the holiday preparations. So much to get, make, prepare, and clean in a seemingly small amount of time.

SIGH!

I just hope the stress doesn't kill my progress and make me hang onto the weight. I'm really, really, really hoping to be down to at least 204, as my goal for Thanksgiving Day. Of course my ULTIMATE goal would be to weight 199 on Thanksgiving Day. I'm still not sure that I can sqeak out a 15 pound loss in a short 22 days from now. I am even wary of squeaking out a 10lb loss in 22 days. I guess will power and time will only tell at this point. :)

Halloween Confessions

I've been no carbing it for so long that i think when I had carbs and sugar on Halloween my fat cells just blew up a little, LOL.

In the AM on Oct 31 I was 214.

I made a healthy chili for dinner, as tradition. This year thankfully the candy monster was no longer in me, but I did reserve a Milky Way (full sized) for my enjoyment.

The night before, however, I had a full sized 3 Musketeer bar, figuring it was okay since it was lowest in calories and fat. But come on, it's a candy holiday!

Now while I didn't over indulge in the candy, I may have gone overboard with the carbs.

DH made some YUMMY corn bread to go with the chili. I couldn't believe I ate 2½ squares of the stuff. Later I had a bowl of popcorn with butter and seasonings, no low-fat or low sodium stuff. I also had a couple pieces from a Runts pack. Those are one of my favorite fruity/sweet candies but I only eat them maybe once a year and that of course is on Halloween.

I was pretty much so stuffed I couldn't eat a whole lot. I only ate half of my Milky Way and then gave the rest to DH, LOL

But on Sunday morning I weighed 216.8. Yeah I know I did it to myself, and it was a one day indulgence so I didn't think the scale would go down or stay the same, LOL But I feel like the animation, like I just blew myself up.

I'm fine though and today I started fresh and stayed away from all of the carbs. I had my Atkins shake, plenty of tuna, and some chicken today. I don't think the scale will magically drop the nearly 3lbs I added in one day, but certainly, one can hope, right?! LOL

Seriously though, I am hoping to be at 205-206 by Thanksgiving. Ideally I would LOVE to be 199 by T-day, but I don't think that is realistic anymore. I'm gonna aim for 196 by Christmas instead or at least by New Years Day.

The holiday trifecta is the worst for a fatty or even former fatty. I know in the past usually by the week before Halloween I completely ignore the scale until January 1st rolls around.

This year will really be a challenge for me. I am hosting Thanksgiving, and then 2 weeks later I am hosting a Holiday party. I do a LOT of traditional baking and so the treats and temptations will be abundant.

However, since my surgery my cravings have nearly disappeared completely, or you could say my will power was increased dramatically. I find it so much easier to say "No" to chocolate, candy, pies, cakes, junk food in general. In the past and before surgery it was nearly impossible and I'd rationalize my way into eating the "no-no" food, one way or another.

I think because I did pay money to have this surgery and so many know about it, I don't want to fail! I don't want to fail my family and have them say "Look not even surgery worked for her!" nor do I want to find myself saying that nor do I want my husband saying that (fyi: he thinks I am getting "too" skinny for him already!). I want to prove to myself, my father, my family, my children, and anyone else that this surgery works and worked for me, and I worked my surgery/tool the best I damn well could!

I want to be at or near goal by my 1 year surgiversary, and I really should be there at this rate. My weight loss has slowed down to be around 10lbs a month now and I have 6 months to go and I have around 65lbs left to lose. So I could realistically be just that close to goal, unless I stall. Hell I'll consider myself a "success" when I can fit into a size 12 or 10 jeans! I'm only 2-3 sizes away from that right now! Hell, I'll be successful if I can weigh what my DH weighs! I'm only 40lbs away from that one! LOL

Any ways, that is my confession, and I don't feel guilty, just gluttonous. I felt so full and yucky from all of the bad food the night before that on Sunday I still felt yucky and kind of full still. Even NOW my tongue still feels nasty. blech.

Any ways, I am on the road to "recovery" from Halloween's junk fest. Even now, for the whole day, I've only "gained" .2 oz so in the AM I should be down more. This AM 216.8 now I am 217 so in the Morning I should be down hopefully a pound. (fingers crossed)