Procrastinating . . .

and I don't know why. I made a video this weekend but here it sits on my computer waiting to be edited and uploaded to YouTube. Of course every day I sit at my computer and "complain" that I am "bored" and yet I play on facebook instead of editing the video, LOL

I guess I am not "bored" so much as I am "depressed". I don't know why exactly, but I am having a low mood swing and hoping it will get better soon, and I know it will but UGH I hate feeling like this!

You'd think with nearly 8 kids and husband who is home 24/7 I wouldn't be depressed, bored, or lonely; but I am. I just want to get out of this house and have some adult interaction with some friends.However all of my friends who would hang out with me are too far away. Makes me miss Arizona when I had friends I could hang out with once a month. We've looked into moving back out that way but it's more expensive than living here or other places.

So here I sit procrastinating. Tomorrow is the ultrasound and I will probably be making another video, making it 2 videos that will be sitting on my computer waiting to be edited and uploaded!

I just apologize for being such a procrastinator in not getting these videos out to those who want to see them.

The "Little" Black Dress

I found this dress probably back in November or October but never got it. I thought it was too expensive, but I still wanted it after walking away from it. Have you ever put something back only to constantly think about it a lot afterwards? If so then you know how I felt.

Well, DH and I found it again at another Target, still the same price, but we had a little extra money at the time and Dh insisted I get the dress. I LOVE it. Now I just need a place to wear it to, LOL.






I think I actually look good in this dress! I would have NEVER in a million years have placed my body in such a tight form fitting dress before. The secret to this dress is that it has a built in body shaper. How awesome is that?!

I seriously can not believe how good I look in this dress!

Here is that comparison pic of the "before" phase too.



I mean seriously . . . WHEN DID I BECOME AN "AFTER"?!

Clothes sizes from a 30 down to a 16. (probably 14 if I wasn't pregnant)
Ring size from a 10 down to a 7!
Shoe size from a 9½ down to an 8-7½.

I've lost weight in places I didn't even think you COULD lose weight in! I mean my HEAD shrunk too! I had a sleep mask before surgery and as my head shrunk the stretched out straps from my FAT head became too loose to keep the mask up, LOL

What's the downside to all of this weight loss?

Well actually there is a downside. I am 18 weeks pregnant! If you look at me in my "Little" Black Dress you can't even tell I am pregnant! I am usually showing by now. I usually can also FEEL the baby's movements easily.

Not this time though. Sadly all of this extra skin and flab is hiding my baby belly (unless I pull up my excess skin or wear front panel maternity jeans which forces my "fat" into a pregnant looking belly shape) and it's kding my baby's movements.

I "think" I feel movement from time to time but I have NOT felt it difinitively by my own hand; ie, I feel a kick and place my hand there and confirm it with my hand. This has NOT happened yet. :(

Next week, though, I get my ultrasound to determine baby's gender. If you have a guess, get it in now. :)

So anyways, as far as "weight loss" is concerned I'm holding fairly steady at around 200lbs. I am plus or minus about 2lbs any given day. I am happy with this. I was more pissed when my PCP scolded me for getting pregnant and practically accused me of doing this on purpose and then overly stressed "not gaining a lot of weight". ARGH! I mean I've already lost 17lbs since finding out I am pregnant and I have maintained steady at 200lbs for the past 6-8 weeks! Does this not sound like I am doing well?! I am still 14lbs down below my pre-pregnancy weight and I am the LIGHTEST I have ever been for ANY pregnancy!

So to him I just say STFU! This is my 8th baby and I know what the hell I am doing. I am NOT about to sabotage my wonderful progress. I don't want to even see the scale reach 220 while pregnant, but I know it is possible. If I do reach that it is NOT the end of the world and I can't try losing weight while pregnant if I tried to! Baby will grow and "weigh me down".

As it is I have had a difficult enough time changing gears from weight loss mode to pregnancy mode. I am still not eating enough calories, but I am not losing and I am not gaining. So my PCP can STFU and I'll listen to my OB and Nut, TYVM!

Husband Noticed My Arms!

It was funny.

The other day I was showing him my arm that was bothering me because I had blood drawn and I hadn't looked to see if it was bruised or not but it felt like it was. So I pulled my arm out of my sleeve to see if it was and he was standing over me watching to see the results too.

When I did, I didn't notice any bruising but my husband did say "Wow. I can't believe how small your arms are now! I never noticed before but they just look tiny!"

I was a little taken aback by it and then started scrutinizing my arms a bit, LOL I know they are smaller because bracelets fit me now and when the nurse went to draw blood, my vein was so much more prominent than in the past where normally it was flat with my arm, this time it was practically jumping out of my arm! I have really good veins to begin with, but this just proved how good they really are when there isn't a lot of extra fat around it!

So, any ways, I held my arm out so we could compare a side by side. He was shocked even further when he said "Wow, your arm is actually smaller than mine now. I don't think it's ever been smaller than mine!" and even I was shocked at the difference in size when compared side by side like that, LOL

It's the little things sometimes, but it made me feel good. I still have some severe body dysmorphia. I'll catch glimpses of myself in mirrors now and think "WOW! I look so much smaller!" but I still can't actually believe it is me I am looking at! LOL

The scales have been waivering and I am trying to control the weight gain. Most of it is from an increased hunger and even cravings of "bad" things. Right now my most favorite treat which unfortunately is a major slider food, is the new Chocolate Cheerios they have out. OMG they are so good and I can just sit there and snack on them without thinking and not feel full EVER it seems! I feel like a bottomless pit sometimes while eating them!

They are so good I probably won't be buying more, for fear I'll eat the whole box again! LOL One box is 1200 calories! I guess it's better than a bag f chips or candy or even ice cream, but it's still carbs and it does have sugar. I initially got them for the kids, but when I tasted them I was immediately addicted. I blame it on the baby! ROFLOL