Happy Surgiversary To Me!!!

Now I only wish I wasn't pregnant so I could know how much I actually lost.

What I do know:

This time last year I was still over 300#.
This time last year I was wearing a size 28 that was too tight, so more like a 30.
This time last year I was in a LOT of PAIN from the surgery, but was recovering well.

Today I'd weight under 200# if I wasn't pregnant.

Today I can slip on a size 14 (Can't button because of baby, though)
Today I am no longer in pain and am very pleased with results, thus far.

So my current weight is 203# and I am 27wks 3days pregnant, the baby is around 2lbs of that, then there is placenta, amnitoic fluids and retained fluids. So I am fairly certain I am still around 195ish if I wasn't pregnant.

Still around a 130# weight loss.

Again, I am disappointed that I wasn't able to make it a year without getting pregnant. I was really excited and anxious to reach my weight loss goal by my surgiversary, so dealing with the emotional roller coaster of not being able to make that goal let alone work on reaching that goal for the last 7 months has been difficult for me. I wanted "me time".

Still, I am more than happy and excited to be adding little Adelyn to our family in the next 9-12 weeks.

I still can't believe it's been a year already! I have a lifetime to go on this journey and I am looking forward to each day with my sleeve as time goes on. I am so happy with the results so far. (Aside from the sagging wrinkly skin everywhere, LOL DH says it's my badge of honor.

"Are you having a baby?"

"Why yes I am!"

It's actually nice to hear! While I just feel "fat", when I am asked this question more and more, it helps me to realize that I actually LOOK pregnant and NOT fat anymore!

Before losing 130# I just looked fatter and I never heard this question, even as I approached my due date. In fact some people if they asked how many kids we had and we'd give the number and the ol' "And number __ is on it's way." They'd usually give me a blank look which indicated that I obviously didn't "look" pregnant to them.

So now I have a good 10-12 weeks to go before baby arrives and I am savoring all of the attention my pregnant belly is giving me now. I am so happy I finally LOOK pregnant for the first time!!!

My New Addiction

When I was super heavy my neck was too big to fit necklaces on. My poor husband spent $150 on a beautiful necklace for me one anniversary without forethought to the fact that it might be too small for my neck. The poor thing was like a choker on me which made me just set it aside and become depressed about the whole thing.

Well for a while now, that same necklace fits perfectly and hangs where it's supposed to hang and no longer chokes the living daylights out of me.

It's also started my love of necklaces again. I can finally decorate my neck again!!! Necklaces are so cute and colorful and fun! I am so happy to have my ability to wear jewelry again! I've also been able to reopen my earring holes and can wear earrings again too. Of course with a baby coming very soon, I am sure I will still have to wear small studs. I am too scared to wear anything dangly with an infant for fear they'll rip it out of my ear!!!

Just another milestone! Weird how it doesn't seem like much until you can do it again.

Almost My Surgiversary

I looked up at my calendar today and realized that next month is April! Then I realized I had my VSG last APRIL!!! I can't believe I am nearly a year out from surgery, let alone pregnant!

Never in a million years would I have ever dreamed I would actually be able to lose 130lbs in a year's time. I may not be at goal and I may not be able to reach goal weight by the end of the year but it's the most weight I have EVER lost in a year's time EVER!!!

I feel great and I can not boast enough about how great this choice has been for me and my life. My health is so much better for me and now for my family. I may not be able to eat a lot of food at any given time, but it was the trade off I had to get healthy.

Why did I choose the VSG (vertical sleeve gastrectomy)? Well, I actually feel like it chose me. When I had finally given up on my insufferable, insane attempts at dieting and losing weight I knew weight loss surgery might be the only option that could work for me. For years though I was extremely uncomfortable with the idea of Gastric Bypass and having my intestines re-routed. That's pretty much all I knew about GB. But I had hit that proverbial "bottom" and was willing to deal with an altered system if it meant I could live a life in a normal sized body and not an overweight or obese body any more.

So as time went on I looked more and more into the WLS option of Gastric Bypass. I wanted to know what it involved and how it changed people's lives, how many gained the weight back and how well it worked. This research led me to a Blog which lead me to a link that saved my life. Obesity Help.com A form filled with information I had never read about before.

I was only familiar with the 2 main options of WLS; Gastric Bypass and a form of Lap-Band or another. I leaned more toward the band thinking if it didn't work I wouldn't be completely altered for the rest of my life and I could reverse it easily. But then I learned about how unreliable it was. Eroding the stomach, slippage, fills, finding "sweet spots" and so much more. It made my head spin.

I learned more about Gastric Bypass with the dumping syndrome, inability to eat or process sugars, possibly never drinking soda again, a lifetime of strict pill popping, and iffy but possibly outcomes for pregnancies with GB.

Then I watched some Discovery Health show about weight loss and this woman talked about how she had some duodendal switch. I had never heard of it before so I looked it up and kind of liked the idea of it. At least there was less dumping, but it still involved re-routing of the intestines. But this research led me to the VSG.

When I started reading about the VSG I knew it was THE right choice for me.

I started assessing my eating problems. For me I over ate, I didn't completely eat emotionally. Some times I did, but usually if I was depressed I wouldn't eat and if I was overly excited I couldn't eat. I usually mindlessly ate in excess and I CRAVED a lot of shit foods. It's a vicious cycle too, and I knew that. If you eat bad foods it triggers the cravings to eat more of it. Like I said though I ate excessively. I couldn't eat just a few chips I had to have the whole bag or can. I couldn't eat just a couple of pieces of candy I had to eat the whole bag. I couldn't eat just a scoop or two of ice cream I had to eat the whole CONTAINER! I had such a problem with portion control. I mean one can of spaghetti O's was barely enough to fill me up, but usually I'd top it off with maybe 1-2 grilled cheese sandwiches and a soda. Then maybe I'd be full . . .for a while. Then I'd have a snack in between.

When I think about how MUCH food I ate as a "meal" it makes me gag now. Especially knowing I could eat it ALL in about 30 mins or less.

So I read about VSG and liked everything I was reading about it. Very little to no dumping. I'd still need vitamins (we all do no matter how our system is), but I wouldn't have malabsorbtion issues so I could be less vigilant and I could even take regular drugs, Rx drugs without too many problems; something GB patients can't always do because of their new system. I'd have a fully functioning digestive system that could no longer hold half a pizza in one sitting or half a dozen scrambled eggs with pancakes and bacon for breakfast. I'd forever be limited to a REAL normal portioned sized meal!!!

I honestly couldn't find too much wrong with the VSG option. Of course I worried about not being able to lose the weight. I thought "maybe I'll need the malabsorbtion to lose weight" but I knew the beauty of the VSG was that if, IF I didn't/couldn't lose weight with it that I could revise it to any of the other surgical options available. The VSG can be turned into the Gastric Bypass or the Duodendal Switch or even get a lap-band added. Still one often finds themselves doubting the surgery will work for them because we've all FAILED at diets before and we're afraid we'll fail at this one too.

For me following the protein guidelines are what helped me lose 130lbs in 8 months and several weeks of that was while I was pregnant too.

Well actually, I am one who hasn't followed the nutritionist's guidelines perfectly. When my insurance ran out and just trying to stay alive was more important I created my own regimen. Those first couple months I did NOT stay away from the sugar like I was supposed to because I couldn't swallow it. I did full on sugar popsicles and I even did a LOT of slurpees, anything to keep me hydrated, even though I know sugar and caffeine can dehydrate you, but for me it worked.

Once I was able to keep foods and liquids down more easily and readily I switched everything over back to crystal light enhanced water and ALL proteins. I started this not only when I could keep foods down but when my weight loss started to plateau. Once I started on the ALL protein diet again the weight started melting off again. I'd change it up once in a while and have a free day which would keep my body from stabilizing so much it would plateau again. Within 5 months post surgery I had lost 100 lbs!

The next couple months kind of slowed down a bit but it was steady and I was pleased with the scale most days even if I did stall from time to time. But 2 months after having reached the 100lbs mark I got shocking news that I was pregnant! It was not planned and I was worried about many things.

My worry stemmed from my previous pregnancy that ended in a miscarriage and the fact that I was not a year post-op either. Would I still lose weight? Would I GAIN weight instead? Will the baby make it through to the end? Will I be able to have the birth I want?

Selfishly, though, I was more worried about gaining weight. My mind was so focused on losing weight I didn't want to stop. I didn't want to see the scale stop moving downward since I was SO close to being below 200lbs. I was actually annoyed that I might not make it to my next goal of being below 200lbs before the end of the year. Well initially it was to be before Thanksgiving or Christmas, but with a pregnancy stalling things I extended it to the New Year.

Through November I kind of stalled a bit but ironically in December, the month filled with chocolate, cookies, desserts and food galore I was able to lose nearly 20 more pounds. Of course I think the morning sickness really helped with that.

I got down to my lowest weight of 196 around the first week or two of January, but ever since then my weight has stabilized, and we're almost halfway through March now. I've stabilized between 202 and 198, but normally I am about 200lbs. I will be 21 weeks pregnant by tomorrow and so far I don't see signs of me gaining weight anytime soon. It makes me wonder if I will or at least makes me wonder when I will start gaining again.

My goal it to try an not go over 215lbs or at the most 220lbs while pregnant. With 19 weeks to go it might be possible to actually do this. I would LOVE to only get to 215 by the end of this pregnancy because I could easily be below my lowest weight after baby is born, and that would be AWESOME to me.

Okay, sorry to be rambling so mcuh. I just can't believe I am nearly 1 year post surgery already.

************************************************
So a couple weeks ago we learned we are having a girl. This will give us 4 girls and 4 boys and I could NOT be any happier about this. We've decided on naming the baby Adelyn Grace. The kids are excited and since reaching the half way mark last week, we are starting the count down to Adelyn's arrival. I can't believe how fast it will all start going now.

So those are my pre 1 year post-op ramblings.

Procrastinating . . .

and I don't know why. I made a video this weekend but here it sits on my computer waiting to be edited and uploaded to YouTube. Of course every day I sit at my computer and "complain" that I am "bored" and yet I play on facebook instead of editing the video, LOL

I guess I am not "bored" so much as I am "depressed". I don't know why exactly, but I am having a low mood swing and hoping it will get better soon, and I know it will but UGH I hate feeling like this!

You'd think with nearly 8 kids and husband who is home 24/7 I wouldn't be depressed, bored, or lonely; but I am. I just want to get out of this house and have some adult interaction with some friends.However all of my friends who would hang out with me are too far away. Makes me miss Arizona when I had friends I could hang out with once a month. We've looked into moving back out that way but it's more expensive than living here or other places.

So here I sit procrastinating. Tomorrow is the ultrasound and I will probably be making another video, making it 2 videos that will be sitting on my computer waiting to be edited and uploaded!

I just apologize for being such a procrastinator in not getting these videos out to those who want to see them.

The "Little" Black Dress

I found this dress probably back in November or October but never got it. I thought it was too expensive, but I still wanted it after walking away from it. Have you ever put something back only to constantly think about it a lot afterwards? If so then you know how I felt.

Well, DH and I found it again at another Target, still the same price, but we had a little extra money at the time and Dh insisted I get the dress. I LOVE it. Now I just need a place to wear it to, LOL.






I think I actually look good in this dress! I would have NEVER in a million years have placed my body in such a tight form fitting dress before. The secret to this dress is that it has a built in body shaper. How awesome is that?!

I seriously can not believe how good I look in this dress!

Here is that comparison pic of the "before" phase too.



I mean seriously . . . WHEN DID I BECOME AN "AFTER"?!

Clothes sizes from a 30 down to a 16. (probably 14 if I wasn't pregnant)
Ring size from a 10 down to a 7!
Shoe size from a 9½ down to an 8-7½.

I've lost weight in places I didn't even think you COULD lose weight in! I mean my HEAD shrunk too! I had a sleep mask before surgery and as my head shrunk the stretched out straps from my FAT head became too loose to keep the mask up, LOL

What's the downside to all of this weight loss?

Well actually there is a downside. I am 18 weeks pregnant! If you look at me in my "Little" Black Dress you can't even tell I am pregnant! I am usually showing by now. I usually can also FEEL the baby's movements easily.

Not this time though. Sadly all of this extra skin and flab is hiding my baby belly (unless I pull up my excess skin or wear front panel maternity jeans which forces my "fat" into a pregnant looking belly shape) and it's kding my baby's movements.

I "think" I feel movement from time to time but I have NOT felt it difinitively by my own hand; ie, I feel a kick and place my hand there and confirm it with my hand. This has NOT happened yet. :(

Next week, though, I get my ultrasound to determine baby's gender. If you have a guess, get it in now. :)

So anyways, as far as "weight loss" is concerned I'm holding fairly steady at around 200lbs. I am plus or minus about 2lbs any given day. I am happy with this. I was more pissed when my PCP scolded me for getting pregnant and practically accused me of doing this on purpose and then overly stressed "not gaining a lot of weight". ARGH! I mean I've already lost 17lbs since finding out I am pregnant and I have maintained steady at 200lbs for the past 6-8 weeks! Does this not sound like I am doing well?! I am still 14lbs down below my pre-pregnancy weight and I am the LIGHTEST I have ever been for ANY pregnancy!

So to him I just say STFU! This is my 8th baby and I know what the hell I am doing. I am NOT about to sabotage my wonderful progress. I don't want to even see the scale reach 220 while pregnant, but I know it is possible. If I do reach that it is NOT the end of the world and I can't try losing weight while pregnant if I tried to! Baby will grow and "weigh me down".

As it is I have had a difficult enough time changing gears from weight loss mode to pregnancy mode. I am still not eating enough calories, but I am not losing and I am not gaining. So my PCP can STFU and I'll listen to my OB and Nut, TYVM!

Husband Noticed My Arms!

It was funny.

The other day I was showing him my arm that was bothering me because I had blood drawn and I hadn't looked to see if it was bruised or not but it felt like it was. So I pulled my arm out of my sleeve to see if it was and he was standing over me watching to see the results too.

When I did, I didn't notice any bruising but my husband did say "Wow. I can't believe how small your arms are now! I never noticed before but they just look tiny!"

I was a little taken aback by it and then started scrutinizing my arms a bit, LOL I know they are smaller because bracelets fit me now and when the nurse went to draw blood, my vein was so much more prominent than in the past where normally it was flat with my arm, this time it was practically jumping out of my arm! I have really good veins to begin with, but this just proved how good they really are when there isn't a lot of extra fat around it!

So, any ways, I held my arm out so we could compare a side by side. He was shocked even further when he said "Wow, your arm is actually smaller than mine now. I don't think it's ever been smaller than mine!" and even I was shocked at the difference in size when compared side by side like that, LOL

It's the little things sometimes, but it made me feel good. I still have some severe body dysmorphia. I'll catch glimpses of myself in mirrors now and think "WOW! I look so much smaller!" but I still can't actually believe it is me I am looking at! LOL

The scales have been waivering and I am trying to control the weight gain. Most of it is from an increased hunger and even cravings of "bad" things. Right now my most favorite treat which unfortunately is a major slider food, is the new Chocolate Cheerios they have out. OMG they are so good and I can just sit there and snack on them without thinking and not feel full EVER it seems! I feel like a bottomless pit sometimes while eating them!

They are so good I probably won't be buying more, for fear I'll eat the whole box again! LOL One box is 1200 calories! I guess it's better than a bag f chips or candy or even ice cream, but it's still carbs and it does have sugar. I initially got them for the kids, but when I tasted them I was immediately addicted. I blame it on the baby! ROFLOL

I think it's actually working!

A few weeks ago I finally picked up the Biotin. I got the 5000mcg ones and I was taking one a day. I also picked up some cheap Suave Volumizing shampoo. It claims it gives 3 times more volume to the hair. I started using both at the same time.

So far one or both seem to be working for me!

I feel like I am no longer losing hair at the rate I was before taking the biotin. I doubt it's regrowing any hair just yet since it's still early but it's at least not falling out in clumps anymore. That is significantly reduced at least.

I suppose the shampoo is working too. It doesn't seem like it is as stringy or unhealthy anymore. I feel like I have more body as well. Whether it is the shampoo or the biotin working I don't know but I can totally see the difference in my hair and so can my husband, so I know it's working if he can see the difference, right! ROFLOL!

So, now here's to hoping I get some regrowth before it all falls out again about October. LOL

The Pregnancy Plateau

I knew I'd hit it sooner or later, LOL, right?!

I'm just still so thrilled I got below 200 and I have been below 200 ever since! For the last 3 weeks I have been between 196-198! I have not gotten any lower and I have not really gone much higher, but I have been watching the scale slowly increase in oz each day lately.

To be honest the last few days I have been on the higher end of that range in the AM. But I am still not back to 200 . . . YET!

I HATE seeing the scale go up even though I know why it is. I actually am bummed a bit when I look down and see my formally "semi" flat belly now more rounded. {{{sigh}}} I KNOW this is all a good thing and that baby is growing! I am very much excited about that fact! I can't wait to actually start looking pregnant again. I just hate that I still have so much excess skin around my apron area that it basically covers up any baby belly I have.

I really, absolutely, HATE my skin apron. **pout** But there is not much I can do about it at this point. I do what I can with what I have.

Also I am still losing hair!!! I completely thought that with pregnancy hormones coursing through my veins that my hair would at least slow down it's falling out volume! But alas it hasn't. I'm trying to take some advice. I'm going to try and stop putting it in ponytails, I bought volumizing shampoo, and I am now taking 5000mcg of Biotin.

I'm just more concerned that if this keeps up, when I get to that point 3 months after baby is born when hair starts to fall out again, that I will end up BALD!

My bariatric clinic doesn't know shit about why the hair falls out though. I read the boards and it just seems to depend on the person, because I know my clinic just kept saying "As long as you get in all of your protein your hair will NOT fall out!" Well BS! I was getting in 80g-100g of protein a day, every day and my hair was STILL falling out. Argh!

I knew this was going to happen but I didn't think it would keep going on for as long as it has! I am really hoping the biotin will start to halt the hair loss, if anything.

Back to the pregnancy, I was dumbfounded when at 12 weeks my morning sickness literally disappeared! Usually it was a gradual thing for me but this was like a night and day thing for me. The day before I was still sick to my stomach still barely getting in 1000 calories and the next day I felt able to eat anything and ate whatever I felt like since I was still not at that 2000cal mark! Even with eating like a PIG I still only got in about 1200-1300 calories. That has slowly increased and I can get in about 1500-1800 calories now. This of course causes my weight loss stall but gives baby and I much needed fuel to grow and grow a baby.

Even still at week, nearly 14, I am still not in maternity clothes and I have dropped a whole jean size. And the maternity clothes I did buy are now a bit big for me . . . for now, LOL. I'm still very much comfortable in my regular jeans, but like I said I'd love to look pregnant soon!

Some Final Before and "Current" Pictures

Well since I have stayed below 200#'s for nearly 2 weeks now and it seems like the morning sickness has left the building I figured I should get some pictures up of just how far I have come since this time last year!

I have to admit though, I still feel very FAT, but when I look at these comparison pictures I am blown away. Even my husband said "I don't remember you ever being that big!" I'm glad neither of us remembers it, and it just proves to me how much he loves me for ME and not my size! XOXOX~LOVE~XOXOX

Now the jeans are a size 16, but they are kind of a "big" 16. I do have a smaller sized 16 and I probably should have worn them for the pics because they would have made my legs look thinner, LOL but oh well.

The shirt is from my sister! I've never fit into anything my sister's wore before. This is my YOUNGER sister to boot! LOL It's too tight for my taste but it really shows off my progress I think. But is also shows off my horrible "bat wings" that I really hate. Again, oh well!

My Body is in ONEderland!

I hit ONEderland, before the end of the year and WHILE pregnant!



At one point I didn't think it was possible and then when I hit 201 a few days ago and then 200 yesterday I got my hopes up for today and sure enough the scale read below 200!

I have NOT seen a 1 at the beginning of my weight since before high school!!!
Last night before bed I weighed myself and was kind of shocked to see the scale read 200.6 BEFORE BED. I dreamt all night long about waking up and stepping on the scale in the morning and seeing the 199, but I also got scared to step on the scale thinking "With my luck my weight will have stayed the same or gone up." I thought for sure that would happen to me so I was scared to step on the scale and be disappointed.

Nope, I stepped on it and got a 199.8. I was happy! Then I went and opened some mail and greeted family and got my camera so I could document my scale victory and when I stepped on the scale again, not once but several time to double and triple check what I was seeing, I was met with the 199.4 lbs!

I am now only 24lbs away from my DH's weight! I have NEVER been this close to his weight before. N-E-V-E-R!!!

Of course I am pregnant so unfortunately my clothes have not changed much. I probably could easily fit into a size 16 now if it wasn't for the baby bump, LOL At the beginning of December I switched to maternity pants, but then dropped like 5-6 lbs in one week and the maternity pants got too big so I went back into my regular jeans. Since getting my BFP I've lost an additional 11lbs I went up on the scales for a bit though and then lost it all and then some without trying. Sticking to my proteins and normal eating. Morning sickness hasn't been too bad. Vomiting has been kept to a minimum but eating has been more difficult. Some days I think I eat too much but those are the days I tend to seem to lose more on the scale, so it's weird.

My flexible goal was to reach 199.8 before Jan 1st. I did that and if I sadly go up on the scale I am a-okay with that because I know baby has to grow and it will cause me to gain weight.

In previous pregnancies I only gained 10-15lbs after I lost a lot in the first trimester. By the end of my pregnancy I am usually lighter than my lowest pre-pregnancy weight. Then I somehow end up gaining it all back and then some while I am breastfeeding! Of course this time I have a much smaller stomach so we'll see how that all turns out.

Ok, so I am long winded. If you made it this far, :D thank you!

Heartbeat, and 2 pounds away!

I turned 10 weeks today. Since I've lost 125lbs I thought we give it a shot at finding the baby's heart beat. It's been my Christmas wish to hear it for Christmas/by Christmas.

However I wasn't sure I'd be able to find it since I could be 9wks 4 days - 10wks along. I don't know when I conceived at all and I suspect I am not as far along as I think I am and my EDD is actually July 23 and not July 21.

Either way, I had dh pull out the doppler after midnight just to "see" if we could find it and I fully expected we wouldn't and I would just try again around Christmas Day instead.

Well, after a little search we heard it clear as day. Nice, FAST, and strong. I am much more relieved now, but I still don't feel "safe". Maybe once I finally feel baby start moving, LOL

I swear pregnancy is so much more stressful after a miscarriage!

I'm also just 2 pounds away from seeing 199 on the scale now. It's weird how the closer I get the more scared I am because I feel like I shouldn't get that low, and yet I am not trying to get that low. This morning sickness has really killed a lot of my appetite and the vomiting here and there don't help either.

I seem to have slowed down for the most part though. I seem to only be losing a pound a week right now and some times nothing at all for a while. I am fairly certain things will start really slowing down or stopping once I hit January when I'll start entering the 2nd trimester.

Such mixed feelings though. While I'd "like" to see 199 on the scale, part of me wonders if it's "okay" to get that low. I already don't feel like I am eating enough and I am not trying to eat less it seriously is this damn morning sickness. UGH!

I am just happy to have heard the baby's heartbeat finally.

They're too Tight

UGH!

They "fit" technically, but they are getting snug and tight now. I'll probably move up a size in jeans until I truly need my new maternity pants, but it's weird to have lost 5 lbs and have my clothes feel tight on me instead of loose. That's not right!

Morning sickness has turned into a bit of a puke fest lately but thankfully my magic drink still works! Yep, Fresca still calms my tummy and makes my yuckies go away. It's weird and I don't know how or why but Fresca works for me! I'd bet money on the fact that it has a lot of grapefruit juice in it. Perhaps it is the citric acid. I don't really know, but I don't quetion it and I will just keep it on hand for when I feel really horrible.

The most difficult part of this all is not truly knowing if some of my tummy feelings are from the surgery or if it is from the pregnancy. I suppose it's about 50/50 at this point but it really does suck.

Still Losing Weight!

I have mixed feelings on this too. On one hand I'm losing weight! But on the other hand . . .should I be losing weight?!

I kind of like the idea of possibly getting below 200 lbs before the end of the year, but then I question if I am eating enough for me and baby. I mean I know the baby takes what the baby needs but I can't eat like I usually do in pregnancy.

There is also the little issue of morning sickness too. Thankfully I am not , apparently that would be more of an issue with my doctors. But I am not puking I am just nauseous whenever I eat something or I will get violently ill. Headaches, painful sickness in my tummy and I just want to curl up and die. And yet. . .and yet I continue to eat for the sake of the baby and for the sake of staying alive.

My eating regimn usually starts out with a morning Atkin's protein shake. Depending on the day it can go down easily or it can take 2-3 hours to sip down just 11 oz with every swallow making me as nauseous as the last.

After I choke down my shake then I can usually have regular food. However breads don't seem to like me lately. Flour tortillas, rolls, and the homemade donuts Dh made just found their way out of me after I ate them. Some proteins don't sit well with me anymore either. I can still do egg salad and the taco salad I had from taco bell the other night, while it took me 3 hours to eat, it actually did well.

Most of the time I have to get my digestion really going to be able to eat any given full meal. But it just gets so painful and I am so nauseous that after a few bites I give up on eating the rest.

I think baby is doing well but I can't be 100% certain. I am still worried about miscarrying and I really do hope that by Christmas I will be able to find baby's HB with the doppler. It would be the best present this season and I will stop worrying. I will be just around 10 weeks by then. If not then, then hopefully the week after. I know the earliest I've been able to find baby's HB was around 11 weeks, but I was also 80lbs heavier too. So who knows . . .?!

I was able to go to the Salvation Army and buy 3 pairs of maternity jeans. Still shocked the 3X jeans were too big and the XL jeans were the "right size", LOL. I am not used to that. I also found a maternity shirt and I got 2 pairs of jeans for now and after baby. One was a size 16 and it fit well! Yay!

I am kicking myself NOW for having passed up some great fitting maternity capri's because it totally escaped me that I would be pregnant during the summer! D'oh! For some reason I thought "I won't need those. I'll be too cold!" UGH! It's difficult shopping for the future if you forget what the weather will be like 6-7 months from now, LOL I'm hoping that maybe tomorrow I'll be able to find them still on the rack as we have to go back for some things we forgot.

Any ways, so far so good. Surprised that I am still losing weight, and yet NOT surprised at the same time. Lower back killing me, boobs killing me, and I am freakin' tired all the time and I have a crap load of things to do in the coming week. {{{sigh}}}

So watch my tickers and see if I make it to 199 before the end of the year and watch my baby virtually grow in the other ticker. :)

Thanksgiving Feast

We had a wonderful Thanksgiving Feast!

I hosted and I made a Turkey and 2 Turkey breasts. Green beans, corn, rolls, sour cream & chive mash potatoes, gravy, cranberry sauce, sweet potatoes, cranberry stuffing, apple cranberry crunch pies, and a triple layer pumpkin pie. I also had cheese & crackers, snack sausages, chocolate raisins & peanuts, chocolate covered pretzels, veggie tray, olives & pickles, a bunch of cookies, apples & pumpkin dip, and peanuts & cashews.

We had 7 adults and 12 kids. We ate very well.

I am still assessing my Thanksgiving. Part of me really missed gorging on all of the good food, but with what I did eat today, I don't feel deprived at all!

I had my protein shake in the morning to get my tummy going. But I think a little m/s crept in so I felt a little yucky for a while. Although it could have been because I got up too early in my book to cook.

I drank my water for most of the day and snacked on some cheese and a cracker or two with a sausage and I had my favorite sugar cookie too.

Later while cooking I tasted some mashed potatoes a couple times because they were SOOOO GOOOD!

Dinner time I had one turkey slice, a spoonful of corn, a spoonful of green beans, a bit of sweet potatoes, a good sized portion of mashed potatoes, some stuffing and my awesome cranberry sauce. I ate everything I wanted to. I didn't want a roll because I knew it would stuff me and I wanted better stuff. Plus the night before I had 2 rolls at different times but the later roll made me puke so I wasn't as interested today.

I even induglged a bit and drank some cranberry soda. Well I sipped at it and it was watered down by the melting ice.

I ate slowly and while it felt weird to be watched and be asked questions (first post-WLS Thanksgiving so it's just as new to everyone else, my new eating habits) but thankfully my grandmother is a super slow eater. Even with as slow as I eat I still beat her, LOL Everyone else had seconds and had even moved on to pies before I was done.

Quite a bit later my tummy was digested enough I decided to have some of my triple layer pumpkin pie. It's not as heavy as the regular pupkin custard type pies. It's from Jell-O. They carry a Pumpkin Spice pudding mix and it came with this pie recipe that I wanted to try. It was so delicious and easy and I loved that it tasted like pumpkin pie and wasn't as heavy as pumpkin pie.

2 hours later I was hungry so I had some mashed potatoes and another slice of turkey. Now I am sitting here eating my one slice of apple cranberry crunch pie with a little bit of vanilla bean ice cream and cool whip. Of course I've been sharing it with some kids who come in from time to time, LOL

So part of me is very satisfied with having been able to eat everything I wanted to and I am satisfied with not feeling deprived. But there is still a small part of me that wishes I could have had my normal stomach so I could have "over eated" just for this ONE day.

Oh well. I wouldn't trade my weight loss surgery for anything!

I also got a bonus when my sister brought me some of her "big" clothes and I fit into most of them. All of the shirts I fit into and I even fit well into one of the 16's she brought me. The other one's I probably won't get to wear for a LONG time now. I asked her for some "special" clothes which she has and hopefully I'll be able to fit into them well enough to not have to get any for later.

I hate being broke!

{{{SIGH}}}

We went out today to JoAnns and there is a Target there and Dh wanted to go and I wanted to go to try on clothes. That's my new thing, actually going and trying on clothes.

This time I spotted a "little" black dress and while it wasn't my "ideal" type of dress I thought "WTH?! Why not!" and OMGosh I LOVED it! I looked fabulous in it too!

I really loved it for the fact that it had a built in slim wear / shape wear. It really helped control all of my excess skin and I was surprised I looked so freakin' good in it. I still needed my control top shape wear for my "apron" but I still looked damn HOT in it!

I seriously do not usually go for skin tight clothes and I was seriously amazed by how comfortable and good I looked in this dress!

Only problem was the $30 price tag. {{{SIGH}}} We just can not afford that right now. Christmas and Thanksgiving comes first right now.

Not being able to get that dress depressed me, surprisingly. I didn't think I'd feel so depressed about not getting an article of clothing like I did today.

I only wish I had a camera so I could have taken a picture of myself in the dress. Maybe I can convince Dh to do this tomorrow, LOL

Any ways. I just had to blog about this. That is all!

Seems Like it's Been Forever

and yet it's only been a couple days.

I swear the scale hates me some days.

Like last night for instance. Towards the end of the night I weighed in at 211 even again. Great, surely by the AM I will be below 211, right?!

But right before bed I weighed myself again and the scale read 211.8 ARGH!! The AM scale reading was 211.4. {{sigh}} Granted it's only been a few short days but I feel like I am in a stall, even though I probably am not in one. I's just really love to se 210 point anything at this point. Maybe it's a numberalogical thing for me, but 210.8 just seems so much closer to 199.8 to me. And with Thanksgiving just 2 weeks away, and I wanting to get as close to 199.8 as possible before T-day, every little loss counts, right. HELL, every DAY counts too!

I KNOW constant weighing will be more stressful and inaccurate, but sometimes I just can't help it. I am a chronic scale whore. Several times a day I will weigh myself. I don't usually get stressed about it though, but when the scale fights back, like it did yesterday, it's frustrating. 211 at midnight and then 211.8 at 1:30am and not having ate anything but water, I seriously thought that by the AM I'd lose the water weight and be 210.8 in the AM at the least. Damn scale, fucking with my mind like this is not nice!

This week's goal is to get to . . . 210 if not 209, but at least 210 (even). I was hoping for a weight of 204-206 by Thanksgiving, if I can't have my 199.8, but I'll take what I can get at this point.

There are 51 days until New year's Day, and if I struggle this holiday season and don't lose the 12 pounds I need to by New Year's Day, then i will be really disappointed in myself. I can certainly do 12 pounds in 51 days, right?!

It took six months, but FINALLY!

OMG this simple little piece of mail really made my day!

I normally never like bills but this one seriously made my day!

There were some complications that arose from my insurance, with the lapse and the COBRA payments and the policy changes, etc etc etc, but the surgery was still scheduled and if they were going to let me have the surgery based on the insurance SAYING I was covered then I wasn't going to stop them. I needed my VSG!

Still I was fairly confident that my surgery would be covered without problems. Until after my surgery and I started reading about how BCBS doesn't guarantee payments/coverage for the VSG, so I started to get nervous. Even more so when about a month passed and I got the surgery bill of over $52,000, and a letter saying I was denied coverage. I was depressed thinking about the amount of debt this would cause our family, and it made me a little more determined to make sure I worked my new sleeve since I wasn't sure if I would really have to pay all of it or not, yet.

Still I ignored the first bill and just focused on what I could change and decided that it just hadn't gone through all of the doors it needed to, to be covered. Still I had those nagging doubts that they'd find one reason or another to deny me coverage, like me not having a "real" 6mo diet history, or that my PCP merely checked my throat to diagnose "sleep apnea". So I let it go and forgot about it, but I still knew it was there in the back of my mind.

So today when I got a bill stating that my insurance company finally paid for the surgery, I was . . .was. . . it's indescribable! Ecstatic, delighted, over-joyed, elated! I was just as excited about that bill as I was about getting my surgery! I was jumping for joy and squealing with delight! I am only being billed for $250 for the surgery! I can't pay it all right this moment but I can swallow $250 for this miracle surgery than I can swallow nearly $53,000!!!

To say the happy dance wouldn't cover how happy I am is an understatement!

115 down 61 to go!

I have lost 115 lbs! I have 61 more lbs to go to reach my goal weight of 150lbs!

I hate that I have that extra 1 pound to lose too, LOL. Why couldn't my highest weight have been a "rounder" number like 325 instead of 326, LOL. It would have made counting down a little easier. LOL Of course then I'd need to lose 1 more pound to have lost 115 lbs. Okay so maybe this isn't too bad after all. ;)

I just can't believe how clost I am to my goal weight now. I can't even believe I am only 12 lbs away (well technically 11.2 lbs) from being below 200lbs! I abolutely can NOT remember the last time I was below 200 lbs. I believe it MIGHT have been freshman year in high school if not middle school.

I am now in sizes 16/18. Some 16's fit me well, while other's are too tight. It all depends on the makers as sizes aren't regulated. That's annoying because one 16 could be just as big as an 18. My 2 pairs of 18's I have are starting to get a little big though.

I have been able to buy a Liz Claiborn shirt in a MEDIUM! It fits perfectly too. I'm also in the size range where I can float between normal sizes and plus sizes. I can actually shop at some regular stores/departments (at least for shirts) for the first time. This past weekend I was going between the 2 departments in Target trying on shirts, sweaters and coats. It's really opened up a lot more options to me. I have discovered that I love shopping for clothes now. :)

If You Noticed

If you notice my ticker, then you'll notice that I indeed get down to 213.8 this morning. :D

I am pleased! Only 14.8lbs to go to get below 200!