Number Dysmorphia

My head has completely shunned the idea that we've really lost 98 pounds. Yesterday while writting my blog I transposed numbers not once or twice but several times over. I didn't realize it until I went back and read it to edit. That's when I noticed whenever I wrote 228 I actually wrote 282. I just can't see myself being 228 andnot 282. I was in the 280's for years before I gained to 326, so my head is comfortable at 282. That number seems "normal" to me when I see it on the scale or written.

Then this morning really opened my eyes up when I SWORE I saw the scale read 282 instead of 228. I know yesterday I was feeling really fat again, because I think I have some water retention and my one pair of size 20 jeans that fit fine the week before felt a little tight so I moved to the slightly bigger size 20 jeans instead. That tightness and the number dysmorphia just made me feel like I am failing at this. My weight hasn't moved from 228 in what seems like 2 weeks or more, even though I know that's not true. It's like my body knows I want to lose just 2 more pounds and it's F'ing with me by holding onto it for as long as possible.

Still when I realized I had registered the scale numbers as 282 in my head and didn't even bat an eye or get upset at it, that's when I knew I kind of have a problem here. I have become so focused on these 2 measley pounds I am not appreciating the 98 that I've lost in only 21 weeks!

Still there is always a part of me, when I stall, that thinks. . ."Ok. That's it. I'm not going to lose anymore weight. I will never see that 100 pound weight loss. I will never see my weight reach 199."

I really do hate all of these mind games.

Has anyone else had number dysmorphia when it comes to the scale?