How Weight has Affected Me Through the Years. pt 1

I was laying in bed with my baby tonight thinking about this aspect of my life and remembered the very first time I was told I was "over weight".

I was 11 and in the 5th grade. My mother had told me I needed to lose weight. I remember the scales read 110lbs at the time. I was 5' 7" and had had my period since I was 9, so a good 2-3 years by this point.

Looking back I was no where NEAR over weight and I NEVER needed to lose weight in the slightest. Pictures of me are of this skinny girl I don't remember. But from that point on weight became an issue and my mother pushed it.

I believe she gave up on me as the years progressed but it's amazing how one comment can change your entire life.

I often wonder if weight and eating and food would all be different somehow if she hadn't put the weight pressure on me.

Well, tonight I finally realized why THEY thought I was over weight, according to the scales.

I looked up a children's weight chart and for a child of 11 the average weight for a girl is 87lbs. I am MORE than certain that this doesn't include menstruating children! In fact I shouldn't have been put against children's height and weight charts anymore. My physical and biological make up had changed and I should have been considered an "adult" on weight charts. I was very much normal for my height and weight at an adult level.

You see when a girl starts puberty she starts building up fat stores on her body. IT'S NORMAL. They tend to pudge a bit before they grow and hormones take over for that oh so lovely monthly visitor. Girls don't lose these fat deposits. Instead they have a mind of their own and the weight battle soon takes over. Suddenly that chocolate bar that meant nothing other than some tasty treat soon becomes that extra 5lbs on your butt.

I believe it is rational for an 11 year old who went through puberty 3 years earlier to have an extra 23 lbs on her!

I WAS NOT FAT!!!!!

But I am now, because of it.

I think everyone remembers the very first time someone tells them they are FAT and need to lose weight. Especially if you are young and it comes from your parents.

I believe this moment in time damaged me. I know from that moment on I worried about it. More so when my mother brought it up. I doubt talking to her about it now would help because she wouldn't remember and she'd say "Well I can't do anything about it now. It's in the past." True but I am living with the repercussions of it all.

If only I could go back in time and tell myself how beautiful I was and how skinny I was. Why did I have to be fed negative information about my body? By my mother!!!

That negative imagery and constant pestering to "lose weight" at the tender age of 11 was not healthy.

Later in life I saw a Discovery Health series on puberty. I learned about the build up of fat on girls going through puberty, and learned what to watch for on my own daughter. It was then that this 5th grade weight comment flashed back to me. That was over 5 years ago and now I really put 2 and 2 together.

I've been trying to figure out how I got to this chaotic weight. I know where it started. The problem is I know it will never end until the day I die now.

I learned from my past and I know not to tell my daughters that they are fat, ever! Unless their health is at serious risk. Thankfully Rachel is a health nut. Sariah is rounding the corner of puberty. She got her first pimple already and well the rest is private of course. Sariah is just growing up and fast. They aren't averages on a chart, since "normal" is only found on a piece of paper I hate pushing my kids to fit into a box. They are who they want to be.

Yeah I rambled a bit in this one, but it was therapeutic for me.