17 weeks

I have been without internet for some time now and prably wo't be getting it back for a few more weeks still.

However today is my birthday and I ot a birthday wish. I wanted to be below 240 as I have been stuck at that for a couple weeks now. Today I finally weighed in at 239.4!! That's 86.6lbs down now.

All of my ants are 2 sizes too big. I went to Target to check my size out since the ants I do have are sizes 24 ad 26. I took in with me a 20 and a 22. I tried the 22 on first and they fit perfectly! Earlier in the month I bought new shorts and I bought mens shorts ecause mens clothes are usually cheaper. I had some huge 46 shorts so I thought I was robably a 44 or a 42 istead I fit into a 40! Since then I could probably fit into a 38.

I am very much looking forward to fitting into 18's ans 38's very shortly!

10 Weeks Post-Op

Today I reached another milestone. I am finally in the 250's! Granted I weighed in at 259.4 but I am in the 250's!

I'm quickly running out of jeans/shorts/pants to wear. I have shorts and capri's and they are all too big for me. I have one pair of jeans sized 46 mens that fit perfectly. When I put them on I felt so good! Just 2 short months ago I walked into Wal-Mart to buy a new pair of jeans and couldn't get ANY to fit me. The 28 women's were too small and the 56 mens were too small. I had to go to the special plus sized store where they've fucked with the sizes. If you don't know what I mean then head over to your local Lane Bryant and try and find a size 24-30 pair of jeans. You won't be able to do so. Instead they are sized 1-4; possibly bigger, I am not sure. I tried several on to figure out what new size I was. What I hated the most was paying $60 for one pair of jeans. UGH!

Food still isn't my friend, though. I have my good days and my bad days, but the last few days have been utterly bad days, which is how I probably reached the 259 weight. I am jealous of others whom I watch on YouTube who've had their surgery about the same time as me, and they can eat Subway, or actually eat normal things without problems. Me on the other hand?! Well I can barely take 2-3 bites of anything without feeling completely full or overly full to the point of wanting to throw up. Sometimes it only takes one bite to feel sick. I'm sticking to plan and all but my tummy, I think, is just sad to be altered and is rebelling. Yeah, that's it, it's rebelling.

A couple of my IRL friend who had GB surgery both said seperately that at the 6 mo mark there was this magical type switch that went off and they started feeling better. For me that will be about November. I am really hoping this will be true for me too because it SHOULD happen just before Thanksgiving and I would really, really, really like to eat SOME of my Thanksgiving dinner in comfort, yk?! I know it'll probably be teaspoon servings of everything, but that will be enough for me, as long as I am able to keep it down.

I think I am at the frustrating stage of weight loss too. I've started getting compliments but it's about how thin my face looks. That frustrates me because I am thinking "Are you serious?! You only see the change in my FACE???!!! I'm wearing pants that are like 10 inches smaller than I was 2 months ago and you can only see the change in my FACE?! Are you fucking serious??"

Still, I guess it's better than nothing, right?!

7 Week Post-Op

I've lost 60lbs!! It kind of seems weird when I think about it. Like it really hasn't happened and nothing has changed much. I mean I've been this weight and size before, ya know?! But by this weight I had usually only lost 20-30lbs, not 60lbs!!!

I pulled out some shorts sized 48 mens and they were loose! I could probably fit into a 46. This amazes me only because just a short few mo nths ago when I needed new pants I couldn't fit into a 56! I found some of the largest sized jeans Wal-Mart carried in mens and they wouldn't even button up! That was very depressing. I had to go to a plus sized store and buy a $60 pair of jeans. I hate paying more than $20 for clothes if I can help it. As it is I thought I had a bunch of my left over diet clothes but I think I may have actually given them to the Salvation Army instead. Crap! I was hoping to avoid new clothes for a while. Another couple of inches and I'll be needing some new pants or shorts again.

6 Weeks Post-Op

So my biggest problem lately is I haven't posted a Vlog. I have had a lot of intentions to do so but I get tired so eaily and now my glasses are broken and with moving I haven't found the time to fit a vlog in.

Needless to say I do have a blog so here it is.

I'm stuck in food porn. Smells and sights of food are so appetizing to me but alas I can't eat any or I bite and spit or depending on the food nibble and pray or puke.

Even still my tummy is still very tempramental. One try of a food and it sits well in my tummy and it was good but the next try and my tummy no longer sits well and it's up-chuck city.

Steve likes chicken and crackers and of course popsicles. I want to try blended tuna soon but I don't want to throw it up. Sherbert does well along with this strawberry lemonade frozen treat I found.

Fluids are doing much better now too thankfully. Still Steve likes colder drinks over warmer ones. Ice was my saving grace for a while.

I had an appointment last Thursday and that ended my bout with nausea for the most part. I finally got the Kapidex meds from my doc and that made a world of difference. No more reflux!! Whew!

I still dream about the day when I can eat even part of a meal without problems again. There are still many a days where I think I made a mistake but then I think it's just my head hunger. My head wants to eat more than I physically do . . .I think. Although there are days and foods I really really really want to eat, like nachos again or SUBS I really want a sub or a hot dog or a hamburger mmmm corn on the cob even. Okay maybe it is more me I don't know. I think I am just too much a foodie and now there is no turning back.

So many people keep saying that things will change and I will be able to "eat" again but I am having a very difficult time believing them just yet. I don't believe them and I suppose if I can't then it will be a blessing.

~STALL~

Yes, I am in one. I can't seem to get past 270. I've been at 270 for almost 2 weeks. I have a difficult time getting proteins in which is probably a big reason. I try but I can't seem to get enough in. :(

I'm not worried though as 270 is good right now and I can wait for this stall to be shaken.

3 Week Post-Op

Sunday, Mother's Day. I started throwing up some blood. At first it was old blood which then turned into bright red. Nausea got really bad so I called the surgeon on call and I was told to head to the ER again. With it being Mother's Day and Monday was my youngest DD's birthday we decided to celebrate both before I headed in.

So around 8pm we finally headed to the ER. I was admitted by 2am. They did a chest x-ray again which was again normal and all blood tests were normal too. I was severely dehydrated though which stands to reason since I couldn't keep much down. So IVs a plenty for me. I had 3 rapid infusions and I was still dehydrated and my output was minimal. It took til Wed. before I was caught up.

Wednesday they decided to do a CT scan which came back normal as well. So we're back to tweaking medications.

I finally left the hospital Thursday morning. I am nervous in keeping up with the meds as well as keeping them down. They have me on 2 PPI meds that aren't covered by insurance and am getting through my PCP via samples. Still on 2 different anti-nausea drugs too. It's easier at the hospital because it was all done through IV, so now I have to try and keep meds down and take them "on time". I tried 3 times to get a schedule of meds from them, but just kept getting told "as needed". Um it's all "as needed".

I've wasted 2 weeks in the hospital and now our packing is all backed up. I finally got to see the house we're moving into soon and I am not too happy. It's a major fixer upper and with 7 kids and 3 adults crammed into it I doubt we'll be able to get much done.

So I am stressed about my condition as well as packing. This royally farking sucks!!! I'm also trying to do a garage sale next week for some extra $$ and so we have less to move.

Since being home I've so far felt - okay. I've been drinking and got in some broccoli cheese soup from Subway. Not all of it but it served me for 2 meals with left overs. Better than hospital food.

I'm trying to take things slow for now but I am dying to have something more than liquids soon and yet I am afraid to even try something non liquid.

Oh and to top it all off, on Memorial Day my sister invited us over for a picnic party. So much good food and I doubt I'll be able to have much of anything. :(

So I am alive and well. Doing much better than my one friend who was sleeved the same day as me. She happened to be re-admitted Sunday too. She ended up with an infection from her port and needed a new drain put in. She's in a LOT of pain. She can keep food down though, but she put my problems in perspective, since I know I would rather be vomiting than in pain.

Also Thursday she went for an upper GI and they discovered a tiny leak in her intestines, which is odd for a sleeve so she'll be stuck in the hospital until at least Monday now. I'm thanking my lucky stars I am only dealing with nausea and vomiting, now. When my kids came to visit me, on Wednesday, I made sure they brought with them some balloons for my friend to help cheer her up and they really did brighten her spirits up.

Oh and on a happy bright note, my one sister had her 5th baby on May 9th! 8lbs 14oz, Addison Elizabeth. Just 2 days before my Jaylen's birthday. My other sister (the twin of the one who just had a baby) has about 3-4 weeks left before her 5th baby is born too.

Ok, so it's late now, and I am still on messed up hospital time. grrr. WTH is up with 4am blood draws?!?! 6am drug doses?!?!

2 Week Post-Op

I am MISERABLE!!

Plain and simple truth here. I am truly and utterly miserable. Even my 4yo is saying what a bad idea surgery was, and unfortunately I am agreeing with him.

Now I know many will tell me "It will get better." and "Just take it slow." but OMFG I don't think they have had to endure what I am enduring here.

Sunday, things took a turn for the worst. I did great for the most part. apx 40-oz of liquids and a couple of small "meals"; liquid-ish of course. Then it happened. My biggest most incredible mistake ever. I never thought for a minute it wouls result in what it has resulted in.

10:30ish PM during Desperate Housewives, DH made some cream of wheat. He shared with me, because yes it is allowed on my "full liquid diet" which is confusing I know. I took 3 of the tiniest bites imaginable and after the 3rd bite, I started getting the signs of 'OMFG I am going to PUKE' here. Saliva started running like a faucet and I jumped up and went to the kitchen - sink was full of dirty dishes because apparently I am the only one who can do them but I am out of commission right now. Next stop was the bathroom, but that stank and was dirty too because kids took a bath and the counters were covered in toothpaste and other junk. Ok so that was a no go too. So I went outside to get cool air and possibly puke over in the bushes. I just rocked and swayed and felt dispondent. Noticed the neighbor in her back yard and figured puking would not be a good thing with an audience like that. So I went back inside still rocking and swaying praying I don't puke.

Thankfully I didn't puke but I felt nauseous the rest of the evening with a HUGE migrain to boot.

I went to bed early after Borthers & Sisters, hoping Monday would bring me relief. It didn't. Monday started off ok until I started drinking. I started off with my protein shake and took 2-3 small sips and felt like shite again. Migrain and generally nauseated. This happened all day long and twice I puked.

By the end of the day, barely having gotten anything in me Dh and I decided a trip to the ER was warranted so at about 11:30pm I headed to the ER. I waited, & waited, & waited among coughing crying babies and other folk just praying none of them had the swine flu. I finally got into an exam room around 2:30am. I was in that room until around 4-5am. They gave me 2 different IV's. The first one the lady tortured me with a WRIST IV and other doctors and nurses just looked appauled whenever they saw it. They only changed it later on before I was admitted.

So yes, I was admitted to the bariatric center finally at around 7am. They gave me chest x-rays and did blood tests. All came back negative and normal. Still I felt nauseous and . . . .I seriously do not know how to describe it, but I'll try.

First I get a headache to a migrain type feeling. Then it feels like someone or something is sitting on my chest right on my stomach. This feeling lends itself to me feeling like I NEED to puke just to get relief. I'll admit I did self induce a couple of vomits because I did feel better afterwards. Even still with the IV fluids I felt 100 times better. Probably because I didn't HAVE to drink or eat anything. But still when I did, while on the IV, I didn't feel sick.

They did another barium test too, to rule out leaks, there still aren't any. So I was finally released back intot he "wild". We were all hopeful that things would be under control. They aren't. . .yet.

They basically changed meds around to see if that would help any. I'm having a difficult time getting my prevacid filled which I really, really, really NEED. I've resorted to the suppositories to help with nausea. Of course no sooner had I put them in did I have to have a BM. Grrr!

They gave me some patches to help with nausea and vomiting, usually for motion sickness. They helped a little while at the hospital but at home I am still just as sick as ever.

So I feel like I am back at square one. They won't do a scope this early out because they said it could ruin the stomach or tear it apart. Of course at this point I feel desperate enough I wouldn't mind it being torn apart, because as I see it the fucking cream of wheat did this to me. So maybe there is a little bit stuck somewhere causing all of these problems.

I am getting to the point again of thinking about heading back into the hospital, even though I am overly sick and tired of the hospital, the geriatric patients crapping themselves in the beds next to me all the while whining and crying to the point I can't sleep. I dn't think I have an available vein for another IV either. I've had 5 IV sites in 2 weeks people! My fingers are sore from all of the blood checks even though all of my blood tests are normal and I am NOT diabetic. Although the lady next to me eating rolls and pancakes and syrup had a blood sugar level of 217 while mine has been a steady upper 80's, yet I am the one with more blood sugar checks - why?!?!?!

Right now I am feeling overly sick and nauseous and migrain-y to even finish this. I'm seriously ready to DIE if I have to live like this forever.

ETA: I am down 43 lbs now from my highest. I'm mixed in feelings about this since most ofit is because I can't keep much down to begin with. :(

1 week Post-Op

And 35 Pounds Gone Forever!

First off, I can finally wipe myself again. I'm still in pain and I am working on that with some stretching exercises.

Still the last couple of days have really SHOCKED me. Here is my weight loss since Surgery Day:

4/24/2009 306.6 -19.4
4/27/2009 303.8 -22.2
4/28/2009 299.8 -26.2
4/29/2009 298 -28
4/30/2009 295 -31
5/1/2009 291 -35 ~ That's 15.6 pounds in 1 week!!

I've only really seen results like this on The Biggest Loser. Still my main concern is that this fast weight loss is from my body going into starvation mode because of how little I can eat right now. Oh and the last 3 aren't even me rounding down, that's what the scale actually said!

Essentially at this rate I could be in the 280's by tomorrow! Weird!!

What's Happening!?

Not much, really.



I still have pain, but my energy has returned since being home and being able to actually sleep longer than 2 hours stretches.

For TMI info either read or skip:

::AF or TOM- how ever you identify your monthly visitor - showed up early as I suspected it would, on Tuesday. It been a light, annoying flow and from my understanding that is normal. The down side is that it will probably last longer. The other down side is that I am having to find unique ways to handle it, since I can not bend enough to wipe my own ass yet!



Thanksfully, someone at the support group I went to before surgery, filled me and others in on this little potential problem and told us how she dealt with it. I won't tell you, since it is gross. However at the hospital it was easier to deal with as there was a chair directly across from my toilet (Weird?! Yeah, I know.). Now you might be wondering how this comes into play, but first let me tell you that my DH was with me the day they removed the catheter, and I was bound and determined to pee on my own so I wouldn't need the catheter placed again. So while DH was there he helped me wipe. But of course he had to leave and return to wiping baby butts at home and not mommy butts at the hospital.



So once Dh left I was left to my own accords. At first I thought about calling a nurse in to help me, but that was going to be my absolute last resort, and believe you me I seriously dreaded and feared going #2!!! Thankfully my bowels were clear enough from the liquid diet that I did not do #2 until I was finally home. (told you TMI)



Ok Dh's gone and now I have to figure this thing out myself without causing so much pain I pass out. I attempted like 2-3 time to wipe myself, by hand with TP of course, and it BARELY did the trick. That's when I noticed the chair in front of me and the several extra towels I had laying around. So I gathered the extra towels and one covered the chair and the other1-2 were kind of twisted together in a log type form so when I was done urinating I justgot up, spun around a little and sat on the towels. It dried me enough so I didn't have urine running down my legs and that's all I cared about. I mean HELL at least I didn't have some stranger wiping my ass for me.



I informed my 2 other Sleeve Sisters and they were grateful for my tip. ;) Of course at home I don't have a big enough bathroom for a chair and towels like that, so I came up with other means.



Ok, so AF/TOM is here and I can't wipe my own ass still. And can I just say my husband is a very wonderful, wonderful, loving, wonderful man! He's really helped me through these road bumps as I figure things out for myself. Thankfully I'm told it will be lighter than normal, which will be more benficial, however it will last longer. I guess I got to take the good with the bad.::

TMI Over and Out

As for weight loss. . .well I am going to be one of those who guages it from my highest weight and not from my surgery weight or anything like that. I am doing this because my highest weight was on January 1st and that was the day I decided to do something about it. At first I told myself I would try Atkin's "ONE MORE TIME" and if it didn't work then I would go the WLS route. 2-3 weeks into my Atkin's diet I KNEW I couldn't keep the diet up like I had once done before. My weight was too depressing to me and eating was my only comfort. I tried and tried but my DH is so much of and enabler and saboture that I found things impossible as I felt alone in my quest.

So once I KNEW that WLS was the option for me, I did my research and made my first call to a Bariatric center, just to get a PCP referral because I knew that it would be quicker to get WLS that way. Why? Because they want the money just as much as the Bariatric centers, and I was right. 2 months and 3 weeks later I got the surgery I wanted.

So my journey really began on January 1st not April 24th. April 24th is the day I finally received my tool, but my struggle started long before that and to reach a high weight, no matter where it is, and to get through it and lose the weight is a success.

So My highest weight was 326 sugery day I was down to 306.6. This morning my scales told me I am now below 300!! I am 298 and I haven't seen that weight since August 2008 after my miscarriage. After my MC I just kept gaining weight to hide my disappointment, sadness, and anger. All that did was hurt me more and now I have pushed through and conquered my scale.

I know I will still have to deal with the inner "deamons" but this all in the right direction for the first time in my life I am not worried about the scales going up. It's a relief in many, many ways.

This is by far no way "an easy way out" and yet at the same time it is.

It took me 5 years to come to this decision, and in those 5 years I did a 180º in my preceived notions of WLS patients/people until I started meeting them in person. I saw the changes in them and their happiness and I envied them. Still I tried to do it the "old fashioned way" with diet and exercise, which I kept failing at.

Jealousy took over. I wanted to lose weight fast too, but I was in no way ready to re arrange my body for it. Then I learned about the VSG and knew my time had finally come to have my WLS.

The emotional roller coaster, financial roller coaster and now the post-op pain roller coaster is in no way EASY. This has been a very difficult 3 months. Now the real work begins with my complete lifestyle change and body change. I constantly wonder how much weight I will lose. I wonder if I will reach my goal of 150 or will my body say "NO" and just keep losing until it feels comfortable?

I look at my family, family and am stunned to think I could potentially be smaller than my sisters one day. Something that has NEVER, EVER happened before. I could potentially borrow clothes from them and them from me! Again, never, ever, happened before! It's all mind boggling to me, and still I wonder if I will be one of those that stalls before I even get below 200.

I keep telling my kids I could potentially be a lot smaller by Christmas. I know it could be sooner but I am trying to be cautious too. I figure 9 months should be enough time. But if not, then oh well.

Quick Update

I finally got home today and I have to day that those who've said that this is easier than a c/s ust have had very good surgeons. :-\ And I am jealous of anyone who were in and out within 1-2 days. I am still extremely spre and tired. :(

I found out I was the second official sleeve surgery that has been done at this hospital. Of my 2 other friends who had the sleeve the same day as me, I probably had it the easiest. The one had some complications to where they thought they might have to open her up again. She was given 2-3 blood transfusions before her hemoglobin stabilized. She'll still be in the hospital until either tomorrow or Wednesday.

Knowing the pain I was in and having seen other people's video's and reading other people's experiences I kind of wish I would have gone to someone with more experience. But oh well, all is done and over with now.

My new tummy (Steve the Sleeve) seems to like warm liquids over cold ones right now.

I have a lot more detail, but I am still in pain and recovering. Wanted to say that I am alive and well.

My highest weight was 326. Day of surgery I was 306 (naked). When I got home and weighed myself fully clothed and bandaged I was already down to 304 so I am sure there is another pound or two I could remove for clothing in there somewhere.

Either way I am finally on the losers bench!

Only Hours To Go

At 4:30am I head off to the hospital for pre-op testing and prep. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! This time tomorrow I'll be hopefully recovering.

I'm starting to get a little scared and nervous about this whole thing and am wondering why the hell I am doing this to myself. I really do hope this will work for me. I want this to be worth all of the financial strain, headaches, nasty liquid foods, and stress I've endured to get to this point, YK?!

I guess the only thing I am really worried about is actually making it through this thing alive and sleeved. Of course I won't if I will until I wake up from it all.

In an hour we'll be leaving to drop the kids off at their friend's homes and then Dh and I will have a night on the town.

And, yet, all through this I am still just as excited as ever. Go figure!

WTH Noooow??!!

Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap!!!

Please, please, please, please, please don't let this ruin things for me!

This evening around 5pm I started getting a pain around my right side under my breast, so I thought it was the bra doing it, or maybe a pimple forming, so I took my bra off and check and nothing is there . . .but pain!

Groan :(

I have a 19mo, and I nursed him . . .well I still nurse him from time to time, but have been weaning him here and there; but my thinking is that this pain is associated with it. I'm thinking it's a plugged duct or something. I know he hasn't nursed on that side for a LOOOONG time so I am confused as to why it would happen now. I'm following the diet plan and usually fatty foods causes plugs which is why I am confused! Unless my husband if force feeding me while I sleep I don't know what's happening.

My concern is that it could turn into a breast infection. I had a LOT of breast infection for the first 8 months of Evan's life in my right breast so this isn't unusual for this breast. Still I haven't had one for almost a year now. I'm afraid if it does turn into one then I might be canceled.

Now, it could also just be a pulled muscle, although I don't know how I would have done that. I wasn't doing anything when it started becoming painful. I keep massaging the area and had my son nurse on that side to see if it would help (it didn't).

I know extra rest can help so maybe I'll go to bed early and that will help. I just hope I don't wake up to more pain and what not Ugh, that would SOOOO not be good. :(

I just hope this small pain stays small or goes away.

The torture I endure.

I have about 27½ hr's from now until I head to the hospital for prep, blood work, and then surgery.

Still all day today my family tortures me with mouth watering smells of grilled cheese and fresh baking cinnamon rolls. WTH is wrong with my husband!!

Well ok, the kids made the grilled cheese without asking, but DH made the cinnamon rolls. He claims they were committing suicide and he couldn't stop them. Karma got him though, since the oven seems to not be working right, the rolls came out brown on the outside and raw on the inside. Ha! Ha!

Tomorrow after we drop the kids off to their friends for the duration of the surgery, we plan on going out to the movies, since this will be they only time since I can remember where we can go out and literally relax and not worry about not rushing home! We're planning on seeing "I Love You Man". But I am sure the smell of the theater foods will just be divine!
*sinff* ahhhhhhhhhh!

All while I have to drink is this really crappy protein water. I tried a sip today and it's just really, really gross. Maybe I'll just have water. Either way, I've gone to the movies without popcorn and soda/pop so it shouldn't be a big deal. Just knowing I don't have to be home at any specific time is reward enough for me!

Still I am sure that tomorrow will be filled with more grilled cheese smells and of course another wonderful I will again not be able to partake in. For those who don't have kids at home to torture you with smells like this. . .I hate you!

Aw, who am I kidding?! I love my kids! I'll miss them.

2 Days Left!

One day left of "food", if you can call it that. LOL

I have one day left of the liquid food, and then Thursday I have to drink this Wildberry Protein Drink all day long. There is 15g of protein in every serving, which is pretty cool. It's what I'll get to drink while at the movies (a sarcastic - yay me.)

Everyone keeps asking if I am getting nervous yet, and really I am not. I'm more excited than nervous. I am sure I'll start getting more butterflies as 4:30a, Friday approaches. I also think that all of the wonderful blogs, message boards, support groups, and WLS friends have really helped me to feel prepared.

My dreams have always been positive. In my dreams I come out of the surgery a-okay. My incisions are perfect and only slightly painless and in my dreams I get out of the hospital early.

Now if only the last part were TRUE. Like I've said before the only downside to being one of the first to have this surgery at this hospital, is that they haven't fully caught up. They have no VSG guidelines for food, or post-op care, it's all Gastric Bypass info. This includes hospital stays. I know one VSG vlog friend went in on the 14th and was out by the 15th.

Me?

Well, the hospital doesn't discharge on Sundays, so I very well may be trapped there until Monady. UGH! Sooo, not what I wanted. I am fairly certain I will be using my media player on Sunday. I'll also probably have DH bring the kids by to the waiting room where they can visit me since the hospital only allows 2 visitors at a time, which would not work for us.

But so far, No, I am NOT nervous . . .YET! I do still have the regular worries. With 7 kids I worry a lot about living through the surgery. I worry about whether or not I forgot to tell the doctors everything they need to know that MIGHT cause a complication. I worry about complications. I worry about my kids not being a burden on the ones looking after them for practically a whole day. I'm a worrier.

I usually keep the worries to a very quiet mumble in the back of my head while I am doing the happy dance in the livingroom with the kids, LOL But they are still there, none the less.

Even still, I am very excited!

Vlog Updates

I Knew It Was Too Good To Be True . . .

I just knew there would be some snag that would make this surgery more complicated than it needed to be. I also figured it would be wound up in insurance too. I called Monday to double check on the COBRA Stimulus Plan since I was told that it would go into effect on April 17th, Friday.

Stupid me thought things would just happen. Of course things aren't that simple. Why would they be. No, On the 17th they sent paperwork instead. Paperwork which I have not received yet but expect to by Tuesday (crossing fingers). We have to fill out this paperwork stating that no one else really wants to be insured too (Um yeah it's my husband and 7 kids. We can't afford that if we wanted to!!) and they have to sign it too. Then I can not be on medicare which apparently I am according to the hospital, for some reason, so we have to make sure I am removed from that, and then they check to see if I QUALIFY for the COBRA stimulus plan! WTF??!!!

I don't get why I would need to "qualify"! We have no job, we paid nearly $600 with the understanding that on April 17th it would retro-actively cover me until July 4th, and now I have to go through paperwork and HOPE to QUALIFY?!?!

The coverage was going to cover my post-op care, I can not deal with more over-lapping of insurance and confusion and stress on whether or not I will be covered after my surgery! Thankfully I KNOW I will be covered for the surgery, insurance already told me that if I go in on the 24th I will be covered for everything until I am released, which is good to know, but I was threatened with cancellation if I did not have coverage for post-op care, so I have 3 days to stress and make tons of calls to make sure this all goes through.

I asked what I needed to "qualify" and the lady just basically told me to "fill the paperwork out and return it". That fucking does NOT help me! I need to know NOW not tomorrow! As it was it took 4 hours just to get through to a live person. Everytime I called before that I got a message saying their "lines were busy and to try again later." To me that is NOT a good sign. :(

I am extremely worried I won't be covered post-operatively now. We can not afford the $108 a WEEK to cover me, especially when unemployment is only giving us $1400 a month and rent is $930 and we have 7 kids to take care of then there is utilities and basic essentials.

Needless to say my excitement bubble has burst and I am again fretting over insurance. I have NO idea what to do or where to go from here. I suppose that if I am covered by medicare then maybe they'll pay for the follow-up care. Right now though, I just don't know. ((sigh))

Only 4 days left, now!!!

4 Days left and really only 3 days left on the liquid diet. The day before surgery I have to drink only one thing. It's this berry fruit drink. I have 7 packets of them to last all day and then after midnight I can't have anything by mouth. I also can't take my meds on Thursday either.

The kids will be off to their friends homes on Thursday night to spend the night, and Dh and I have decided to take the opportunity to go out alone by ourselves to the movies. It will be so NICE to not feel rushed to get home so we don't have to pay the sitter extra or something. I've never had that kind of "date" where I didn't feel rushed!

It will be odd to be going to the movies and smell all of that glorious popcorn and sneak my flavored water in instead, but I've done movies without popcorn before (usually only had money for the movie then, which will be pretty much the case this time too).

I think I am more excited about the date than I am about the surgery!! Although my excitement and nervousness will probably keep me up all night long as it is.

I have clothes washed, bought new undies and socks, I finally found a sleeping mask, and I have my other essentials ready too. All of my basics are already packed in the complimentary bag I received from the bariatric center/hospital, which is perfect, IMHO, for me.

These 4 days to me feel like only 3 days since the day before will be a blur I just know it.

My excitement is bubbling over and that seems so weird knowing I will be sliced and diced in just 4 days from now, LOL I will be in pain and in a hospital which I HATE hospitals. I guess I am excited to be going because I want to go and have this done, LOL. It's the one thing I have done for myself and no one else really. I can still hardly believe I will be getting this done in just 4 days.

This Time Next Week . . .

I'll be in my hospital room recovering from my Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy!!

I love that I can say that! Officially only 6 days left until my surgery now.

Yes, I am dorky enough and excited enough to post something this mundane, but I am just that excited!

I'll be on the road to no longer being

I HATE Scales!!!

Why is it I can not find a scale that will give me the same fucking weight two or three times in a row?!

I woke up and did the daily routine and then weighed myself. The scale said 309.8! "WooHoo!" I thought, and then the thought turned to, "Wow did I just read that right?" So I stepped on the scale again only this time the scale read 311.4 ARGH!!!!! So I stepped on it yet again and got a reading of 310.2 WTF!!! So I stepped on it yet AGAIN and it said 310.2 again.

Wah!! Where did the 309.8 go?? I want that number back!!

If I could afford it I'd get the tried and true doctor's scale where you have to manually move the weights to get the bar to balance. Those are the most accurate, and unless someone is giving them away on FreeCycle, I'll probably never own one.

Sure I could get an analog scale but even the ones I used to have were never 100% accurate either.

Why, oh why didn't I just take the first scale reading? Now I have to decide how much I weigh today and I like being honest so I suppose I'll have to take the 310.2 even though it's only a .2 loss. I'd much rather have the .6 loss and see the 309 on my charts. :(

Stupid "Made in China" products.

A few more tries and I get 311.6, 311.8, and 310.6

9 Days away from surgery!!!!!!

I'm still waiting for something to stop this whole thing. A call from insurance or the Bariatric Center with some problem or another telling me they have to cancel the surgery or something. I certainly hope that doesn't happen but that is always in the back on my head haunting me, until I am actually being wheeled into the OR.

So, I've been on the liquid diet (LD) for about a week now. I've been tracking my calories on TheDailyPlate.com The LD kit food only has around 700 calories in it. Some of the extra foods I am allowed to add bring me up to around 800-1000 calories depending on what I choose for the day. Still I've had a couple days where I was below 650 cals for the whole day because I didn't get in all of the LDK foods. I'm trying to get batter at making sure I get all of the LDK foods in, but it's tough some times. I guess this diet is shrinking my stomach some since just a cup of soup and 20oz of Crystal Light water leaves me feeling "stuffed".

I lost nearly 14lbs now, until Monday when I got less than 600 cals in, I think my body shut down a little and I gained .4oz so I made sure to bring my calorie intake up more on Tuesday. I worry though, if a cup of soup and a 20oz water bottle makes me feel stuffed NOW, and I am not getting a lot of calories in now, then how am I supposed to lose if I know I'll barely be able to get in half of what I am eating now?

I know bodies go into starvation mode and stop losing for a while. So, I'm anticipating I'll start this VSG surgery off with a STALL!!
Yikes! I just don't know how long it will last, but I am hoping it won't be for too long.

The upside, is that around our house I can't remember the last time we bought a CASE of pop/soda. I started Crystal Light a while back and finally got my Dh hooked. He normally had a Pepsi in his hand and now he has a water bottle filled with Crystal Light, LOL. Even the kids are into it and it's so much cheaper too. Granted we barely let the kids have pop/soda so the flavored water for them is a"fun treat". Granted Dh still gets himself a 20oz Pepsi from time to time, but he's not drinking 3-4 cans a day anymore.

At one point I tried getting him on water, but he only like "flavored" water. usually pre-flavored and the problem with that was most of those are still sugar laden. I then found us some great sparkling waters that were flavorful and carbonated. Dh really gets into those too. Those have no sugar or calories and he liked the flavor enough he stopped getting the cases of pop.

I like that this change has taken place in our house already. The kids and mom & dad are all making healthier drinking choices.

So with only 9 days away, I see the days are going to FLY by super fast now. I still go back and forth from super excited to super scared and nervous. Although I'm more excited than scared most days, but I am sure as the days move closer to "The Date" I'll become a little more anxious. I just can't believe I am in the single digits, away from my surgery date.

I've already gotten just about everything I'll need for the hospital together, based on what others have taken with them in posts here and there.

Eeeeeeeeeeee!!!! I hope I am ready.

Easter Weekend

So 4 days into this liquid diet, and i got to say starting just before a holiday is very difficult. So I am here to admit my weekend holiday cheating.

As MUCH as I wanted to do this whole thing cheat free, I found it impossible. I'm a food addict, so understand that and you can understand how one can cheat. Plus, they said the diet really count 5 days before surgery. When someone tells me that then I hear "It's okay to cheat just a little bit, just don't do it after xx/xx date."

I know so wrong of me, right?

Still, I am excusing my cheats away a little. Probably not a good thing, but oh well. I can't change it now.

Ok so my "cheats":

Friday - I had a fingernail sized bite (and it was just as thin too) of Bavarian Inn Chicken skin. We went out to eat at a restaurant and I did good with ordering the chicken broth and water, and I brought my Crystal Light along with me too. I was helping my toddler eat and that one fleck of skin somehow made it's way into my mouth. Oops.

Saturday - We celebrated Easter with the kids so candy was abundant. I had ONE mini chocolate egg (30 cals - shocking how much is in that little thing, considering a whole bottle of water with Crystal Light is only 10 cals) and 4 pieces of Reese's Pieces. That was it for the candy. And it wasn't all at once either, as if that makes it any better. Later on DH made some bacon wrapped filet mignon and steamed green beans with the left over mashed potatoes from the restaurant. It smelled sooooo delicious. So he let me have one pencil eraser sized bite of the meat, and I had literally a dab of potatoes, and a tiny green bean.

So Saturday was my hurdle day. Day 3 of the LD and day 3 of any diet is usually the worst and apparently it was for me. I wanted EVERYTHING I couldn't have. So I think I did somewhat okay for a candy laden day.

Sunday - 2 final cheats. I had one more mini chocolate egg and I also was craving a hard boiled egg. So I gave in and ate one.

However, for Sunday, the downside for me today is that I have NOT gotten in ALL of my LD foods yet. I'm behind on the soup, a protein shake and the fiber fruit drink. I'm only sitting on 630 calories for the day. So I don't feel too badly about the egg choice at the end of the day there.

So, with my appetite dwindling and me not wanting to cheat anymore and me also finding it more and more difficult to get all of the liquid diet food in, I'm wondering how the rest of the 11 days will go. I only have 6 more days with the "free food's list".

Ah crap this is going to start going by fast. Ok anxiety about the upcoming surgery has started now. Yet excitement is usually right behind that feeling. Eeeeeee! I just want this over with so nothing "bad" will happen to stop the surgery from happening.

~*~Dreams~*~

I've started having dreams about the surgery and post surgery. This is a sign that I am really fully encompassed in this whole process.

Today I took a nap and dreamt that I made it through surgery and was in very little pain. I even lifted up my shirt and took note of the incisions and stitches (although I am told it will be staples and not stitches). I was walking the halls and everything.

The only weird part was some lady was in a hospital bed, but stationed in the hall for some reason. When I walked the halls with my Dh she started making rude comments and even made one about one of my sons. I care so little for whatever she was saying to me that I flipped her the bird while walking back into my room. I was just happy to be done with surgery, be alive, and not have too much pain! I didn't care what she or anyone else had to say after that. Then Dh came in to wake me up.

Kind of a good dream, to me at least. Little pain, I was alive after surgery, and I had improved confidence! :)

That's about it. Be sure to visit my YouTube channel for my Vlogs at http://www.youtube.com/mychaoticweight